So half way through the day I look out the back window and find Russ prone on the ground which I didn’t think was a normal way to be gardening. Upon examination which included blood, an obvious cut and an eyeball that was bloodied red instead of white, followed by mud traipsed across the carpet and consultation with Google, I concluded that a visit to the hospital was in order.
So a trip to Knox Private and one eye patch later they confirmed that it probably wasn’t a new technique in arboreal tending but a laceration and embedded particle of the wooden variety. Also not normal. But rather than poke around themselves they generously provided a Google map (h0w did we live without Google!) to the Eye and Ear hospital, patched Russ up like Pirate Pete (on a bad day), offered wheelchair support (that wasn’t going t0 happen) and waved us goodbye. Alright, so there was no waving but they were very nice.
Fortunately at the hospital they had ‘the match’ on. Strangely Russ, vision impaired as he was, could see the screen from the back of the waiting room, unlike me, with perfect vision (supposedly – although that’s a whole different age-related story) who couldn’t. Anyway, consultation was swift since apparently the entire population of Melbourne wasn’t actually in Melbourne, being Easter and all, and the doc gave us some good news and some bad news in between vasa vagal episodes – not uncommon with an eye injury apparently – which elicited cheerful responses from the docs (so hilarious when it’s not you fainting). The good news was that the wood fragments came away after about 10 minutes worth of probing with cotton buds. The bad news – after examination via the Eyeball Examinator 2000 – there appeared to be a small tear in the retina which could mean either a) a needle being stuck in the eye, or b) an operation. I believe we were going to need the magic 8 ball for Russ to decide that one. However, after two more senior doctors (complete with their own individual black magic boxes of serious eye magnifiers), eager as beavers to get a look at Russ’s eyeball, had a good look, it was determined that the ‘tear’ was in fact an old ‘hole’. There was no explanation forthcoming as to why there might be a hole in his retina but the news that the operation had been diverted and the cut to his eyeball would heal with time and regular squirts of gooey ointment was much more appealing… even if he now had a freakishly alien looking eye.
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